


At A Loss

by alexisk11



Category: Chuck (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 11:51:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexisk11/pseuds/alexisk11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>~*~*~*~*~</p><p>Smut. Some Talking. More Smut. No Excuses. </p><p>Last line is totally for Skyesurfer12 (On LJ).....If you haven't read her stories, you totally should!!!</p><p>~*~*~*~*~</p></blockquote>





	1. At A Loss

Sarah Walker was at a complete loss. She had no idea how to handle this. She's seen Casey upset before, quite a few times actually, his sensei turning on them was only one of multiple betrayals she has seen Casey through. It's different this time however, Chuck was usually there also, and Casey was never this heartbroken. Hell even the Ilsa incident didn't throw Casey this far off track. The worst thing was not having a clue what was wrong and why Chuck was acting the same damn way. At least Chuck had Ellie, Awesome, and Morgan but Casey only had her because he refused to let Alex see him this way.

Casey hadn't stopped crying since she got his desperate call about two hours ago. He wouldn't tell her what was wrong, or what had happened but it had to be something to do with Chuck right? It couldn't be a coincidence that they were both acting like heartbroken, love-sick school girls. She figured if one of them wanted to talk, they would. They both knew that if something was going on that her and Morgan would keep it a secret right? She would never betray Chuck or Casey by running to Beckman and neither would Morgan. Sarah knew the old cliché all too well was too true, “Spies who work together, tend to 'play' together.” What choice was there really? They knew they could trust their partner so that's who they usually ran to when needed. Hell she's even been with both Chuck and Casey before Bryce came back to join their team.

Sarah just sat there on the edge of his bed with him, coddling him but not really knowing what else to do. He's been getting along good with Bryce lately, maybe Bryce could get something out of him if not out of Chuck. Bryce would never betray them either, especially not Chuck. Honestly she didn't know if involving Bryce would be hurtful or helpful right about now. She didn't know what to do because she had no idea what was really going on. Sarah Walker was still at a complete loss.


	2. At A Loss (Casey)

Casey was at a complete loss. He had no idea what to do. He never dreamed that this would hurt so damn bad. He's had his fair share of heartbreak, he made it through Kathleen and Ilsa. He made it through multiple betrayals from mentors. This however was so much worse.

They had an agreement. It was just supposed to be sex, a release. The longer it went on however, the harder he fell for the kid. Dammit. He knew this would happen, but once he fell for him he couldn't stop it. It didn't matter if it didn't mean the same thing to Chuck, Casey wouldn't be the one to stop it. He was pretty sure it was the only thing that was stopping him from loosing it completely, so when Chuck told him that they shouldn't do this anymore it broke him. He managed to give him a half smile and an “Ok Chuck,” as he kept the tears from falling until Chuck walked out and shut the door. He knew this would eventually happen, he was just hoping for later rather than sooner. Shit. He needed to pull himself together, Chuck could never know he broke his heart. The kid would never forgive himself and it wasn't his fault. It was Casey's, he did this to himself and he knew it. Casey knew Chuck could never feel that way about him but the kid was so alluring, he just drew people in, and being that intimate with him made Casey fall for him hard and fast. Fuck this hurt. He was pretty sure that this hurt a hell of a lot worse than watching Chuck get dressed and leave when he just wanted him to stay, that it hurt a hell of a lot more than constantly reminding himself that it was just sex, nothing more. Now all he could do was lie in his bed, a bed that still smelled like Chuck, and cry himself senseless while Walker tried to figure out what the hell was wrong.

Oh well, did it really matter if it what was best for Chuck? Whatever made Chuck happy. That's all he really wanted. It's not like he could ever give him a normal life. Casey figures Chuck broke off their arrangement because he seemed pretty taken with that doctor friend of Devon's. Shawn was another one of those California Ken doll, pretty boy types. He was perfect for Chuck. He saves lives, he doesn't take them like Casey. He's also a lot closer to Chuck's age. Plus he had Chuck smiling like Casey hadn't witnessed in months. He couldn't get Chuck to smile like that, he realized with a heavy heart. Casey knew this was a good thing for Chuck, as long as Chuck was happy he could deal with the hurt and jealousy right? He'd figure something out, he had too. He would have to shut his emotions down again, but would that mean loosing Chuck as a friend too? He wasn't sure he could handle loosing Chuck completely. If he went back to how he used to be would it break his already fragile friendship with Chuck? He hoped not, he had to figure out something. Perhaps he would talk to Walker. She would understand right? Fuck it's been over three hours since Chuck unknowingly broke his heart and he still had no clue how to pull himself together, how to live without Chuck. Casey was still at a complete loss.

~*~*~*~*~


	3. At A Loss (Ellie, Devon, Morgan, Bryce)

~*~*~*~*~

Ellie Woodcomb had no idea what was wrong with her little brother, she hasn’t seen him this heartbroken since Jill and he's been through Lou, Sarah, and Hannah. She didn't even realize that Chuck was seeing anybody so what the hell was going on? She was so confused as was Devon and Morgan. Perhaps she'd call Bryce or Sarah? They might have a clue, though she doubts if Morgan doesn't know that they would either. It's been over four hours since Morgan had called them to come over because he didn't know what was wrong or what to do for Chuck, and Ellie was still at a complete loss at what was going on or how to help her baby brother.

Devon Woodcomb was utterly confused. His wife's bro hadn't been dating anybody recently had he? What is going on here? Chuck looked utterly devastated. This was so not awesome. Not even Morgan had a clue to what was going on. Devon was a doctor, he knew how to fix the human body but he hadn't a clue how to fix a broken heart, he was at a complete loss at what to do to help fix Chuck.

Morgan Grimes has been Chuck's best friend for well over 20 years so he should know what's going on right? If something major was happening Chuck would have surely told him. It's been over four hours since Chuck came home in a daze and collapsed onto his bed in a fit of tears. He hasn't spoke a single word since. Morgan didn't know what to do for him so he called Ellie and Awesome hoping they would have some sort of clue as to what was wrong with Chuck. Ellie kept asking him if he knew anything that would help them figure this out but Morgan was at as much as a loss as everybody else as to what was going on with his best friend.

Bryce Larkin hung up his phone for the second time in the last ten minuets confused and worried as hell. What the hell was going on here? First his girlfriend calls him from Casey's asking if he knew anything that was going on with either Chuck or Casey, and then Ellie calls asking him if he knows why his old college room mate was currently curled up in a ball crying his eyes out and not talking to anyone. Honestly Bryce had no freaking clue as to what was going on here, but one thing he was sure of was that neither Chuck or Casey would have intentionally and knowingly hurt the other. Casey wouldn't talk to him but he would talk to Sarah, Chuck however would talk to Bryce, then he could talk with Sarah and figure out what was happening. Bryce Larkin had a plan even though he was at a loss as to what exactly was going on at the moment.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	4. At A Loss (Chuck)

Chuck can't believe that he just did that. He ended things with Casey. He knew it was for the best but it hurt. There was just no way that he could keep having meaningless sex with Casey when he was in love with him. He knew Casey would never love a guy like him. He hated guns, unless they were tranq guns. Where Casey loved to go shooting, he would rather sit at home a pretend to shoot on a video game. They were just so different and he was sure that Casey still looked down on him to some extent. Oh god, how could he let himself fall for the one person he could never have? All those damn kisses, all the damn sex in the world would never change Casey's mind. It was just an arrangement, an agreement between partners to give each other release. Nothing more. Why, why, why couldn't he just keep his feelings out of it? No, instead he has to go and fall for the NSA agent. This is such a major fuck up. Now he's hurting more than he wants to admit and apparently enough to freak Morgan out enough for him to call Ellie and Awesome. Great.

He really doesn’t want to explain to them why he's so broken up. What's he supposed to say? Oh yea Casey and I have been fucking each other senseless after missions or whenever one or the other needed it? That he fell in love with a guy, with Mr. hard-ass NSA himself? Seriously they would think that he had finally and completely lost it.

Fuck this hurt, bad, but Chuck knew it was the best decision for the both of them. It would have just ended badly if Chuck kept pretending and going on with it, either Casey would have figured it out or it would hurt just that much more when Casey got tired of him. Dammit he was a complete idiot. He fucked up and broke the cardinal rule of spying, again, but he wasn't going to fuck up this time. Time to be a real spy. He was going to find a way to suppress his feelings, bury them somewhere deep, somewhere they wouldn't ever surface again. He had to find a way or the team would fall apart, and there is no way he is loosing Casey completely. Sure, he could never have him the way he wants, but Casey can at least still be his partner and that's all Chuck cares about right now. He just needs to find a way to make it happen, but for now he is hurting way too much and is at a complete loss on how to bury that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	5. At A Loss (Bryce's Talk With Chuck)

After talking with Sarah, Bryce hastily made his way over to Chuck's. Then after sitting with him for a while just letting him cry, he finally convinced Chuck to open up to him. God it hurt watching his friend in so much pain, he wished beyond anything that he could just take it away, and he knew he wasn't the only one. Ellie, Awesome, Morgan, and Sarah were all really worried. Bryce understood more than anyone else would because he's been in this business for a long time. He could see how Chuck would fall for someone like Casey. Casey was his protector, Casey was a solid in Chuck's life and Casey was always there for him. Bryce had a feeling that Casey had fallen for Chuck too, although Chuck vehemently denied it. Chuck was completely convinced that Casey didn't and would never love him back.

Fuck, he hated to leave Chuck now but he really needed to talk with Sarah and see what she had got out of Casey. Bryce is sure that if Casey is as upset as Sarah says then Chuck unknowingly broke both of their hearts for no reason. Shit, this is such a cluster fuck. He needed to talk to Sarah. If what he is thinking is true than Sarah would have to talk to Chuck. That is the only way it would work because Chuck would listen to and believe Sarah, whereas Casey wouldn't listen to either of them, especially not Bryce himself. They could fix this. Chuck could fix this. He'd have to send Morgan back in because as much as he hated leaving, it was the only way to make this go away and to take the pain away from both Chuck and Casey. For the first time since what ever happened to cause this Bryce felt like he understood what was happening and he was no longer at a loss on what was going on here. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	6. At A Loss (Sarah's Talk With Casey)

After hearing Casey recount the story sounding hollow and empty the whole time, Sarah knew she had to do something to take this pain away from him. She hoped her partner got something out of Chuck because if not, she was going to. Casey was already shutting himself off again. It would break them all if he did that and she wasn't going to let that happen. Casey insisted that he had to, that it was either lose Chuck's friendship too, (most likely along with every body else's), or have Chuck figure out he broke Casey's heart and to Casey, that wasn't an option. That would break Chuck and Casey couldn't bear to see that.

Sarah couldn't bear to see either Casey or Chuck this way any longer. Something, anything needed to be done here. This life took so much from all of them, it was time that they got something from it. Sarah hated leaving Casey alone but she knew she had to go meet Bryce if they had any chance of fixing, whatever it is this was. Sarah Walker was pretty sure she knew what happened now, but she needed Chuck's side of the story so she wasn't at a complete loss at how to move forward and handle this. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	7. At A Loss (Bryce & Sarah Talk)

Upon meeting up with each other and talking about what the other found out, Bryce and Sarah felt much better. They knew now that this could be, and would be fixed. Hell it was an easy fix.

If those two damn stubborn people would have just opened up to each other none of this would have happened in the first place. Although, it is part of the job to keep things like that to yourself. This is one of the times the two CIA agents really, really hated this job.

This would be ok though. This would be fixed as soon as Sarah went and talked with Chuck. She knew he would be able to get Casey to open up again, he would be the only one who could. Finally Sarah knew exactly what needed to be done. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	8. At A Loss (Sarah's Talk With Chuck)

Charles Bartowski could be one stubborn and insecure son of a bitch at times. Sarah had one hell of a time getting through to him. He did not want to believe her about what Casey had told her. Once he finally let everything sink in and was no longer in denial, he was devastated.

“Oh God, Sarah what have I done? I need to fix this. Right now. Please tell me he isn't that bad yet, if he's shut himself off I’ll never get through to him!”

“You will Chuck. You will be the only person that can. Your the only person he'd be willing to take the chance for. Now go convince him you love him back! Get him back Chuck.”  
“Right, ok I'm going....Oh and thank you Sarah. You and Bryce. For everything and for not giving up. Whatever happens, you guys are the best!”

With that Charles Bartowski was running out the door towards Casey's apartment in untied Chuck Taylors. Wrinkled clothes, messy hair, and tear stained face be damned. He was going to get Casey back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	9. At A Loss (Chasey)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~*~*~*~*~
> 
> Smut. Some Talking. More Smut. No Excuses. 
> 
> Last line is totally for Skyesurfer12 (On LJ).....If you haven't read her stories, you totally should!!!
> 
> ~*~*~*~*~

Casey heard a faint knocking at his door, but he didn't bother to get up. Anyone important would have a key, they could let themselves in. Sure enough he heard the familiar jiggle of the key in the lock and the door sliding open. He figured it was Walker coming back after she met up with her boy toy. He was surprised, however, when he looked up to see a fairly disheveled and determined looking Chuck.

“Listen, Casey I know I’m the last person you probably want to see right now but we have to talk,” he said so softly Casey could hardly hear him. “I know....I wish....Ugh I can't do this!” He desperately shouted while throwing his hands in the air. “Dammit Casey I love you! I only said I wanted to end things because I thought you didn't love me, but you do, don't you?” Chuck shouted, frustrated that he had an abundance of words at any given time, except for the time he needed them most. “John, I love you, don't you close up on me now,” Chuck growled after a long pause of silence from Casey.

Chuck was determined, he's been described as stubborn after all. He took Casey by surprise once again as he made his way over to the bed where Casey was now half propped up on his elbows, and pushing him back down again he started kissing him into submission. Casey was overwhelmed by the feeling of Chuck kissing him again and the fact Chuck was just there, with him. It took Casey a few minuets, and quite a few heated kisses before he could think straight enough to react.

“Wait, Chuck, wait.,” He said gently pushing him back “You mean it? I mean, I thought, I thought you liked Shawn? I thought, I mean, I'm me, how...”

“Casey, leave the babbling to me and Shut. Up.” Chuck said as he effectively cut Casey off mid sentence and started kissing him again.

“Yes, you.” Chuck said pulling back from the kiss. “I love you. I do like Shawn...as a friend. He's a good person and he's helped Awesome and Ellie out a lot. It's not him I want to be with though. That goes solely to you, John Casey. Your the one who's always there. Your the one who never let me down. Your the one that had to pick up the pieces one too many times to count. Your the one I fell in love with,” Chuck punctuated each sentence with a chaste kiss to Casey's lips.

Casey smiled slightly and closed his eyes. “Chuck.”

“Hmm?” Chuck asked with an adorable confused look on his face.

“Make love to me.”

“Case-”

“Shh,” Casey stopped Chuck by placing a finger on his lips, “I want this.”

That was the last words spoken between the partners for a while. Chuck bit his lip and nodded his head in agreement, before laying all his weight on top of Casey and kissing him senseless. As the kisses grew more heated, Casey started to unbutton Chuck's wrinkled dress shirt. As the continued their long, slow, passionate kisses, they continued to slowly undress each other, taking the time to really explore every little detail about the other.

Chuck was loving the time to finally get to take his lover completely in. Casey really was freaking perfect. Every scar, every testament to what Casey's gone through, just makes him that much more of a fucking beautiful man. Every little nick and mark was just another proof of how Casey has sacrificed for the greater good, for the good of his beloved country and it's constituents. Damn, it made Chuck proud, all the good that Casey has done, and all the good he has yet to do. The only difference is that from now on, Chuck will be by his side. He was so lucky that someone like Casey would open themselves up and fall in love with him and he wasn't going to let it go again.

Chuck continued loving Casey, kissing his way across and down his body, making sure to place a perfect kiss over every scar he ever received. How he ever got someone so innocent, so pure, so loving like Chuck to love him he'll never know. Chuck wasn't overly built, but he had some muscle and abs as he knew from their previous encounters. He didn't have many scars but there were the few from the multiple incidents on missions gone wrong. Those scars hurt worse than his own, knowing what the kid did, what he gave up just because he opened an e-mail from an old college friend turned nemesis. In all honesty, he could have ran, he could have refused to co-operate with them, but he didn't. He put himself in constant danger to save his country and to protect his family and friends. Even those idiots at the Buy More, Casey figured. Chuck sees the good in everybody which is probably why he will never be able to actually pull the trigger on a real gun. Casey loves that about him, Chuck was one of a kind, if only the kid realized how special he really was, and not just because of the computer in his brain. Hell even that made him special, no one else could have handled it.

“Casey, what's this from?” Chuck asked while swiping his hand across the scar on his right cheek.

“Truck hit an IED, got hit with shrapnel, lost 20 men from our unit that day. They said I was one of the 'lucky' ones. Came out with nothing but this scar and a heavy heart.” Chuck then placed a kiss over that scar as well and it felt as though he was trying to kiss the pain away, all of it. It was so intimate, so tender, so Chuck, that Casey was feeling emotions he couldn't even explain if he wanted to. This is why he's so taken with the kid.

“Well I'm glad you were one of the lucky ones.” Chuck said before kissing his way down Casey's jaw and then down his body before taking Casey in his mouth. All Casey could do was close his eyes a let out a small moan of approval. His brain was in overdrive, this was Chuck, his Chuck, making love to him and it was absolutely perfect.

Fuck when did the kid get so good at this? He was already withering, starting to loose it. It wasn't much longer before looking down into the kids warm eyes, made him let go completely.

Chuck loved watching Casey so let go, so free. Nothing was more amazing than seeing the, John Casey, so unrestrained. Chuck held still and lightly rubbed small circles with his thumb over Casey's hip until Casey's muscles stopped spasming. He then looked up through his lashes and locked eyes with Casey as he pulled off and swallowed, because he knew Casey liked it. He got the effect he was hoping for, when Casey's breathing hitched and he bit down on his bottom lip. Right then, Chuck decided that flushed faced, messy haired, glassy darkened eyed, sexed up Casey may be the most amazing thing he has ever seen.

Casey just lay there, chest rising and falling with his heavy pants, as Chuck leaned over to grab the lube from it's well known place in the night stand drawer. Clicking the cap open, he felt extremely nervous as he coated his fingers and closed the lid, placing the bottle nearby. Normally the roles were reversed, well all except for the Chuck being nervous part. He still couldn't believe that Casey actually wanted this, not just doing it for Chuck, but he actually wanted it. Oh God, he needed to stop thinking and just start doing or he was going to freak himself out. Casey was still relaxed and half out of it from before, so Chuck took the advantage and circled a slick finger around Casey's entrance. Casey's noise of encouragement was all Chuck needed to push past that last bit of nervousness and he pushed a finger into Casey.

Fuck, he was so tight. Now a whole new bout of nervousness came on. What if he hurt him? Shit. He wasn’t so sure he could do this. He was scared, but now Casey was practically whining and grinding down on his finger trying to get more friction, so Chuck slowly and gently added a second finger. Casey's panting got even faster and when Chuck brushed against that special spot he let out a noise somewhere between a half moan and a half whine. Shit, if Chuck wasn't hard before he sure as hell was now. That was the hottest thing he had ever heard.

As soon as Chuck was sure Casey was ready he withdrew his fingers and generously coated himself before pitching the lube onto the floor out of the way. He looked down at Casey who's eyes were shining as he smiled at him and gave him a slight nod to let Chuck know it was ok. Chuck held his breath as he slowly pushed into Casey and waited for him to adjust.

It had been a long time since he had bottomed, but the burn was perfect as Chuck entered him. He wanted this so bad he could hardly stand to wait another second, but he was sure the kid was nervous as all hell.

“Breathe Chuck.”

Chuck took in a shuddering breath as Casey wrapped his hands around his hips encouraging him to move. Chuck started to slowly pull out and thrust back in until Casey started to pick up the pace. Being as this was all new to Chuck, everything was pretty perfectly clumsy. Despite previous assumptions, Chuck was pretty amazing in bed. Casey could so get used to doing this every so often.

Nothing was more amazing than feeling your lover inside of you. It wasn't going to be much longer till Casey was tipped over the edge again. He opened his eyes to look into Chuck's big, innocent, brown ones. Chuck lowered his head for a long sloppy kiss and Casey reached between them to take himself in his hand. A few good pulls and Chuck's sloppy, passionate kisses later Casey was loosing it to Chuck once again. A few sloppy thrusts later, Chuck lost himself to Casey. Collapsing on top of Casey despite the mess, Chuck placed his ear over Casey's ribcage so he could hear his heartbeat. It was one of the most intimate moments Casey had ever shared with anyone.

After a while of just relaxing and soft touches, Casey gently rolled Chuck to the side and sat up, pulling Chuck up with him.

“I'm going to go start the shower, we need to get cleaned up. You should probably call one of them and let them know we are ok, I know Walker was pretty worried.”

“Yea, they all were, I'll give Morgan a call and then I’ll be in.”

Chuck fumbled around looking in his pants pockets before he found his phone and unlocked it to call Morgan.

“Hey Morgan, buddy it's Chuck.”

“Chuck! Oh good, we weren't sure if you two were killing each other or what, please don't exaggerate on the what. Your on speaker by the way and everyone is here, including Alex and your Mother.”

“Oh, ok. Well no we didn't kill each other and everything is ok. Everything is going to be alright.”

Chuck could hear a collective group of relieved sighs and “Good's” and “Thank God's.”

“Casey and I will be over in a little while, you want to order some take-out? Perhaps pizza, since we just had sizzling shrimp yesterday, I'm starving.”

“Ok buddy, will do. Good friends, family, beer, and pizza will be awaiting! Oh, and take your time buddy, no rush, no rush.”

At that Chuck could hear a collective group of “Ew's” and “I didn't need to hear that's.”

“Ok, you call in the order and we'll be there, I’ll see you all in a few.” Chuck said before hanging up, placing his phone on the bed, and completely mortified, scrubbing his hands over his face and through his sweat soaked hair.

Walking into the bathroom he could hear Casey laughing, a real, hearty laugh.

“Guess you heard that huh? I wouldn't be laughing if I were you big guy, your daughter was there.”

Casey just laughed again and pulled Chuck under the water with him. Kissing him soundly on the lips and threading his fingers through Chuck's now water damp hair, Casey couldn't have been happier.

“Mmm Casey, feels good.” Chuck mumbled while his eyes fluttered shut.

“Up for round two sport? Cause I gotta tell ya, there's just something about shower sex that is amazing.”

“More awesome sex with my amazingly, wonderful, handsome NSA handler? Yea I could go for that.”

“Good.”

“Mm but I did tell everyone we'd be over in a couple of minuets....

“Make them wonder eh?” He said as he ran his hands over Chuck's thighs and took him in his hand.

“Mmm Casey, yea. Ok let 'em wonder. Shower sex, good. Oh God Casey.”

“Mm you like that huh? Want me to fuck you up against the wall while the water pours down over us making everything so enticing, so wet? Want me to run my hands through your soaked, soft, hair while I'm fucking you into oblivion?”

“Gla-Glad to know I got the old Casey back.” Chuck stuttered out. “But God yes do that.”

“I will, and if you think that's hot just wait 'till I do the other things I want to do to you while in the shower.”

“Gah, Casey. Enough teasing, just mmpf,” Chuck got out as Casey pushed him up against the wall to have his way with him.

Somewhere through his lust induced fog Chuck heard Casey's low growl, “I hope you told Grimes to hold the green peppers on that pizza,” right before he dropped to his knees and with a leer, took Chuck into his mouth.

~*~*~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author Note: Thanks For Reading!! :)


End file.
